terça-feira, 4 de janeiro de 2011
I haven't had much disposition to write. Maybe because there is so much going around to assimilate and little time and calmness to ponder and choose what to share... However, the new year is already moving on and I realized today how rich, demanding and intense the last year was. How much I experienced in a new way how important, more than that, how crucial it is to have a healthy and loving, and full of desire, life of prayer. Nothing to do with obligation, have-to-do rule but to the recognition that I cannot live without prayer! Alright, we start with the have-to commitment that trains our rebellious nature and give space for the soul to breath in the presence of Love, of Jesus, as if she would or could say: 'now it is my turn! I take over the control', but we end up recognizing that prayer is the true and purest oxygen we need! From obligation to freedom!
It is still very hard to me to have the body and mind discipline, especially for people like me, consecrated in the Covenant Community, who have to create a space out of love and freedom to pray daily. But I have learned not ever to give up prayer, personal prayer, or consider it a burden, as in fact I need it, as I need water. If there is a fruit of the missionary life I recognize in me in this last two and a half years, is this longing to stay with Jesus, to surrender and experience His love and presence, to allow myself to be transformed by His spousal love, revealed by His Word in the daily Liturgy and the Divine Office or just by Him, Himself. And the more I pray and go to prayer the more the Holy Spirit teaches me to pray and makes it happens and reveals it less complicated! The more time goes by the more there is more to say in less words. There is less fear, less stiffness, less mind and more friendship and confidence. I am far away from anything called mystical or extraordinary but I have to admit truly, prayer has been transforming me. Extraordinary is the daily Eucharist and Jesus calling Friend and spousal soul many men and women around the world, in Shalom and outside Shalom Community. Awesome is His steadfast presence and peace and forgiveness offered day after day, teaching me and us how to live, how to love, how to suffer and become really human.
In the beginning of this year while I realize, again, strong suffering around the lives of so many, especially among the Christians of the Middle East, which really affects me, but I also see hope and more good will to build dialogue for peace, at individual and institutional level, my desire to fully live my baptism in the Shalom Charisma is renewed. It is necessary to continue to be salt and light in this world that has many flavors but no taste, many torches but blind light. God is in control of our lives, of all lives of the world and His mercy and wisdom goes above and beyond what we see and understand. His love endures forever and I only wished my simple and unimportant life which carries the purest gold and treasure in it would point firmly as John did, to Jesus, the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world and gives us peace and freedom.
When I see baby Silvinha growing and responding positively to all treatment I again contemplate the beauty of creation, the love of God and the mystery of life. One day if I have the chance I will tell her that the first Christmas of her life I received a prayer that really represented what I wanted to live, but I believe also represented what her parents were saying to the Lord all the time of her first weeks of life: 'Like Joseph and Mary, your Will Lord, your Will and nothing else be done. In your Will our security and happiness'. I share then in the blog with my friends, brothers and sisters, family, nephew and nieces, old and young, with everyone, one of the most beautiful and deepest prayers I have received lately, after which I add my own Amen. May the Holy Spirit help us to live and repeat daily the same amen during 2011.
'Oh Jesus, I see this new year as a blank page that your Father
is giving me, upon which he will write day by day what he has arranged
for me in his divine pleasure.
With full confidence I am writing at the top of the page from now on, "Lord, do with me what you will." And at the bottom I have already put my "amen" to every disposition of your divine will.
Yes, O Lord, I say "yes" to all the joys, to all the sorrows, to all the graces, to all the hardships that you have prepared for me and which you will be revealing to me day by day. Let my "amen" be the Paschal amen, always followed by alleluia, uttered with all my heart'.
(Sister Carmela of the Holy Ghost)